My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
