we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
