so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
