I hate all girls vehemently.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
