I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
