could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
