Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
