Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
