In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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