Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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