Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
