Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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