Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
