peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
