i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
