Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
