made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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