I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
