Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
