possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
