Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
