They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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