I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
