Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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