Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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