I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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