nut hugger
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There r osticjed everywhere
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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