To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize
