I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
