You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
