I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
