I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
