Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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