i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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