I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Life is so much better after having sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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