I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
