No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
