im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
