every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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