Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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