you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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