you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
