he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
