i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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