Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we're so committed to being not committed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
