Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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