i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
