You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
