I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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