My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
